Gratitude written 2/16/10

I had oral surgery today because of a botched root canal. I was hesitant to get this procedure done back when it was first recommended because I was afraid. Now 6 months later I am finally beginning the process. Unfortunately, if had I completed this process when I was first instructed that I would need to do this I would be getting prepared to have the implant and crown put in place instead of at the start. Alas, fear of the unknown; PROCRASTINATION, the cousin of fear. I am thankful now for having done this procedure because it is over with for the most part.

I had a counseling session yesterday and during the session it was made known to me that I am still being passive aggressive with the kids and with my ex as I am still allowing him to be a controlling manipulative jerk by coming to see the children at school instead of picking them up. I trust and believe that God will work through me to get the needed help we all need so that we may have peace in our home.

This time out of work due to my surgery and with the kids being in school has proven to be the much needed time of reflection I needed to be able to read God’s word and hear his direction. I am thankful for all of His timing including the words spoken to me by a church member. I am thankful for the people in my life (family and friends) that have prayed for me and are taking care of the things that I needed. I am thankful for the words of advice. I am especially thankful for the gift provided by Elaine during Christmas. That book has been profound in helping me develop spiritually.

I am thankful that I saw I was allowing myself to idolize the idea of being in a relationship and not focusing on God. I still have strong feelings for him but I have not been clamoring for him like I was. I know that God is the bigger ticket and that I need to focus on Him; not stress over my career, the kids, the restaurant, the modeling, me moving. None of that matters. Only HE matters. If I focus on Him, everything else will fall into place because His Holy Spirit will guide me where I need to be and what I need to do to gain all those things I mentioned above and then some. Thank you, God, for being so gracious and merciful. Thank you for loving me unconditionally and sending me little nudges. I thank you for me being able to hear although sometimes I hear him after he has placed me in darkness because I was not listening before hand. At least I am listening instead of waiting 10 years hoping things would get better instead of acting to make things better.

So what are you thankful for?