Well I feel as if I have hit a brick wall. Right now I am constantly telling myself positive sayings to keep me from being negative. Oh this funk is hitting me really hard. First my apartment that I thought was God working in my favor crashed. I cannot move in on the weekend I was slated to move. If I still want to move to the apartment complex I will have to move in April; an entire month AFTER I was supposed to vacate this one. I don’t know what to do especially when I called to see if I could extend my lease an extra month. They told me my apartment was already rented and the only way for me to stay is to extend my lease for an entire year. I really do not want to stay here. I want to go somewhere that I do not have to worry about parking or anyone getting their car towed away. I also do not want to have to deal with the mold any longer. I have tried and tried to get rid of that crappy stuff and it’s not working. I feel it is mostly due to the fact that there was mold already in the windows when I moved in. I documented it on the move-in sheet. I just hope they don’t try to say I did it.
Also I haven’t spoken to my friend in over a week (heard his voice). It’s going on 2 weeks since I last seen him. I was able to text message with him on Thursday but nothing much since then. I am trying to stop sending him messages because he hasn’t been able to talk to me. I didn’t communicate at all yesterday and then I gave in and sent a message today. Tomorrow I will do better. I will not send any messages because it will only make me more frustrated. I understand that he is in the field but I talked to him more when he was overseas than since he came home. I don’t understand it. I am trying my best to not think negatively. I am saying positive things to myself but it is difficult for me to stay motivated and not walk away. Even though the potential to be his wife is out there, I am not sure I can handle being a military wife. Not having communication for days at a time is not cool. I can honestly say I don’t like that AT ALL. What keeps me holding on is that he is such a nice guy and when he can talk he does his best to have open communication even if it’s for few minutes. Not to mention we get along REALLY well and think on the same accord on many things including the important things like religion and money. Now I need to ask the other questions to make sure we are in accord on the main topics of discussion.
On top of that my baby is really going through it missing his dad. He doesn’t like him and says he’s mean because he doesn’t call or pick them up. I have stopped making excuses for him to the boys. I guess in a way I was supporting his actions. I am no longer. I really dislike for my kids to be suffering the way they are due to their dad’s negligence. I really want to legally cut out his participation with them so that they will not have to endure the disappointment day-in and day-out.
My confidant is leaving. Jaimie sold her house and is leaving towards the end of March. I am happy for her but I am going to miss her. I knew this time was coming but I was hoping it would come later than sooner.
She was my best friend here at work. We did EVERYTHING together when we first started working here.
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