Today had a spectacular start. I woke up as usual, thanked God for allowing me to wake up and took the time to allow my body to wake up. I went into the bathroom to get the shower started for my youngest son when I heard his little voice speaking to me. It surprised me because I usually have to wake him up forcibly by tickling him or actually picking him up out his bed and standing him on his feet. (He’s a night owl. He would stay up all night if I allowed him too). Then he came and gave a big hug and kiss. Then we both said our “I love you’s”. What a way to start the day!!
Then while in the shower, the song Let Go and Let God by Keith “Wonderboy” Johnson. I love that song. Well, while singing the lyrics I realized I was still “worrying over how the story was going to end” regarding my oldest son who is now living with his dad. All times I have attempted to spend time with my son has been thwarted by my ex-husband. I have been worrying on what affect this is going to have on our relationship (between me and my son) and also with his brother. Not only was that my concern but also how my ex was not picking up the youngest son to spend time with him or allow him to stay overnight sighting that he had to work. So upon singing the song I told myself, I am not following the song I am singing. I have to let go so that God can handle it. I trust in him and know that he’s got everything under control even if I cannot see it.
Then I sent Jordan off to school and got myself prepared for work. As I looked down at my phone I saw I had a text message from my aunt. So I read it and wow! I was floored and started crying, saying thank you to God because in her text she told me not to worry about my ex but to put him in god’s hands and leave him there. The message said to trust God because He is all we need and that he does not want us to worry. I could not agree more.
That message was perfectly timed! Not only was I trying to work out the situation with my children but I also got laid off from work and as of next week will be out of a job. There is a plan mapped out but it is still scary to know that I will not have a reliable source of income for awhile. I am stepping out of my comfort zone and standing on faith that all will be as it should be. What I need will be provided. Now this does not mean I will be sitting at home on my behind. No! I will be working hard on other things I have wanted to pursue but my efforts will be paying off and be blessed. I trust that they will exceed my expectations!!!
Showing posts with label children. Show all posts
Showing posts with label children. Show all posts
Wednesday, December 15, 2010
Wednesday, May 5, 2010
Mothers
As Mother’s day approaches, I find myself thinking of how I have been as a mother to my kids. I know I have done some things that were not to their benefit but I can honestly say in the last year I have put them first in my decisions and my ambitions. Sometimes I find myself wanting to be selfish by wanting to do something for myself but ultimately I am worrying for them and trying to make sure that anything I do does not have a negative impact on them.
I have seen some of my actions that were hurting them and immediately took stock of whether it was that important for me to continue with what I was participating in at their expense. I have found that it is not. My job is to mother them first and foremost. Then I can pursue things for myself. I have learned that being a mother is not just providing for their material and nutritional needs but it is also a nurturing process. I AM their role model. I don’t need to look to anyone else for them to look to for a positive influence.
As I was talking to a friend last night about her relationship with her child it struck me so profoundly what I had been discussing in counseling. They initially told me and also throughout therapy that I need to be the pack leader for my boys. Because the Alpha male is missing in their lives, I had to step in and be that for them. I was not ready for that task and wanted a man to assume that role as it should have been. But God led me to see that they NEEDED me to do this for them because they were lost. If I waited for a suitable male to come in or for their father to actually step up to fulfill his duty, it will be too late.
It all starts with me, the mother. The molding and shaping of how my children will deal with life; it all starts with me. Like the baby ducks mimic their mamas so the children imitate the examples provided for them. However, there are some special cases where there are special people in their lives that step in to help in the molding process and give them alternative paths to choose. Some positive and some negative. Thankfully for me I had the positive influences in my life. So pulling upon those experiences I am transforming yet again to be a better mother, and person overall. I want to be the leader that they can look to and see how to handle life. I want to be that pillar of strength for them in their time of need. I want to be that lighthouse beacon in the storm guiding them along the shore. Because I know that God’s light is shining through me I believe I will succeed.
I pray that you too are that ray of light for your children or some special child in your life (niece, nephew, relative, friend, etc.). Step in and provide a positive path for that child to follow and a beacon of strength to draw upon as they grow and mature into an adult. Happy mother’s day!!!
I have seen some of my actions that were hurting them and immediately took stock of whether it was that important for me to continue with what I was participating in at their expense. I have found that it is not. My job is to mother them first and foremost. Then I can pursue things for myself. I have learned that being a mother is not just providing for their material and nutritional needs but it is also a nurturing process. I AM their role model. I don’t need to look to anyone else for them to look to for a positive influence.
As I was talking to a friend last night about her relationship with her child it struck me so profoundly what I had been discussing in counseling. They initially told me and also throughout therapy that I need to be the pack leader for my boys. Because the Alpha male is missing in their lives, I had to step in and be that for them. I was not ready for that task and wanted a man to assume that role as it should have been. But God led me to see that they NEEDED me to do this for them because they were lost. If I waited for a suitable male to come in or for their father to actually step up to fulfill his duty, it will be too late.
It all starts with me, the mother. The molding and shaping of how my children will deal with life; it all starts with me. Like the baby ducks mimic their mamas so the children imitate the examples provided for them. However, there are some special cases where there are special people in their lives that step in to help in the molding process and give them alternative paths to choose. Some positive and some negative. Thankfully for me I had the positive influences in my life. So pulling upon those experiences I am transforming yet again to be a better mother, and person overall. I want to be the leader that they can look to and see how to handle life. I want to be that pillar of strength for them in their time of need. I want to be that lighthouse beacon in the storm guiding them along the shore. Because I know that God’s light is shining through me I believe I will succeed.
I pray that you too are that ray of light for your children or some special child in your life (niece, nephew, relative, friend, etc.). Step in and provide a positive path for that child to follow and a beacon of strength to draw upon as they grow and mature into an adult. Happy mother’s day!!!
Tuesday, April 20, 2010
Guilt feelings and Perserverance written 2/22/10
I should be sleeping by now as it is almost 12:30 in the morning but I could not close my eyes without first writing about the message God sent to me today. I am in awe as to how that played out but I know God works in ways unknown to us but always on time.
The first message I received today was about guilt feelings. There are several kinds. The first is the guilty feeling from your conscience when you have done something against God’s word or law (which we should have). The second is guilty feelings we have when we haven’t done anything wrong but we feel guilty about the action (these we shouldn’t have). Ironically, today I found out that Cevi fractured his arm yesterday when he fell off the bike at Grandma’s. I immediately started regretting allowing him to play outside with his cousin and then feeling guilty about going over Grandma’s in the first place when all Cevi wanted to do was stay home and watch the movie Starstruck. He even offered to cook if we didn’t leave. Then I switched to beating myself up for not taking him to the doctor yesterday when he first hurt himself. While I was showering and contemplating about the day, the words coming from the speaker on the radio program I was listening to this afternoon popped in my head. At that instant, I had an A-ha moment. God led my spirit to turn to the AM stations and flip through them causing me to land on the spot where the speaker was talking about these guilt feelings and how people try to use those to manipulate others or their situations. I am so thankful that my reception of listening to God’s Holy Spirit is getting clearer. I probably would have been worried to death all night if it had not been for the lessons and messages I have received today.
The other message was about perseverance. I have been diligently reading and learning God’s word and allowing it to penetrate my heart and become in tune with every fiber of my being. At first when I tried to read this passage at the urgent care center, I could not take it in. The boys were making so much noise and being so rambunctious that I could not concentrate on the words. So when I got home and read the passage again, it all made much more sense. It was talking about waiting on God. I have learned so many lessons this past year about patience and it being a virtue. It was definitely something I was lacking in quite a few areas of my life but every day I draw closer to being more patient and understanding. I am happier with my kids. They don’t stress me as often as they used to. We are having a better communicative relationship although they still test the waters. God has truly been working on us as a family unit. I am so thankful for that. Be still and know that I am God! Whew. Still in awe!
The first message I received today was about guilt feelings. There are several kinds. The first is the guilty feeling from your conscience when you have done something against God’s word or law (which we should have). The second is guilty feelings we have when we haven’t done anything wrong but we feel guilty about the action (these we shouldn’t have). Ironically, today I found out that Cevi fractured his arm yesterday when he fell off the bike at Grandma’s. I immediately started regretting allowing him to play outside with his cousin and then feeling guilty about going over Grandma’s in the first place when all Cevi wanted to do was stay home and watch the movie Starstruck. He even offered to cook if we didn’t leave. Then I switched to beating myself up for not taking him to the doctor yesterday when he first hurt himself. While I was showering and contemplating about the day, the words coming from the speaker on the radio program I was listening to this afternoon popped in my head. At that instant, I had an A-ha moment. God led my spirit to turn to the AM stations and flip through them causing me to land on the spot where the speaker was talking about these guilt feelings and how people try to use those to manipulate others or their situations. I am so thankful that my reception of listening to God’s Holy Spirit is getting clearer. I probably would have been worried to death all night if it had not been for the lessons and messages I have received today.
The other message was about perseverance. I have been diligently reading and learning God’s word and allowing it to penetrate my heart and become in tune with every fiber of my being. At first when I tried to read this passage at the urgent care center, I could not take it in. The boys were making so much noise and being so rambunctious that I could not concentrate on the words. So when I got home and read the passage again, it all made much more sense. It was talking about waiting on God. I have learned so many lessons this past year about patience and it being a virtue. It was definitely something I was lacking in quite a few areas of my life but every day I draw closer to being more patient and understanding. I am happier with my kids. They don’t stress me as often as they used to. We are having a better communicative relationship although they still test the waters. God has truly been working on us as a family unit. I am so thankful for that. Be still and know that I am God! Whew. Still in awe!
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