Maturity in Christ (Part 1)

You know for years I thought I was being a Christian because I loved God and believed that Jesus Christ died for my sins, read the bible occasionally and prayed. However, it was not until a few years back that I realized this was only the surface of what it means to be a Christian. I have found that I was considered a baby in Christ’s eyes, slow to learn if you will. Not because I was unable to grasp the concept or had a learning problem but because I only came to Him when I was in pain and needed Him. Just like a baby needs milk to “pacify” the hunger pain in its tummy so did I come to God, pray, and read the bible.

I did not practice all the principals listed in the elementary part of the bible (the Old Testament). I also was not as humble as I had envisioned myself being. If I kept to myself and did not bother anyone I believed that I was being a Christian. I was entirely and completely wrong. Everything in the world was a distraction to me, my husband, the kids’ behavior in school, and my job issues. I did not know what it meant to worship him. Sure, I went to church but I had no desire in my heart to LEARN about what more he required of me. That was scary for me because if I knew then I would have to act accordingly. Ignorance is bliss. I was giving lip service without realizing it. Hatred was in my heart for others which in the New Testament is likened to killing someone which in the 10 commandments (Old Testament teaching) commands not to do. I was judgmental in some instances toward others, which I had no right to do.

Recently a situation arose in my life after coming to terms that I was in need and wanting to draw closer to God. I was learning to pray every day and more than once a day. Diligently reading my Bible was my goal but I still would become distracted by issues or people that came into my life. I was made to deal with conflict where before I used to shy away from. Now, I am becoming more emboldened about handling issues that arise. Case in point, I had a friend or who I thought was a friend that I helped out. Our relationship soured in a matter of weeks without rhyme or reason. I still to this day do not know what caused the tension to mount where we were no longer on speaking terms but I remember that people come into our lives for a reason whether it’s seasonal or a lifetime. This was definitely seasonal. It hurt but helped me to see where I was weak in my character and how to handle conflict better. I am no longer as timid to voice my thoughts nor afraid to admit if I was wrong.

I also learned which battles to fight and which to walk away from. Today I walked away from the final battle with my “friend”. I was asking for something to be returned to me which was agreed upon would be returned. A few days passed without anything showing up or communication so I sent a nice reminder with a note that I will not bother them any longer about the item. In return I got a not so nice accusatory reply regarding my kids and myself. So of course I automatically became heated and was ready to rip a reply that was going to encourage the fire. But just this morning I had prayed on my spiritual maturity and asking God to help me grow in my maturity in him. So instead of responding returning the accusations, I bid farewell and blessings. Then I deleted all connection, i.e. phone, text, etc because there is no need to continue allowing negativity in your life. People come into our lives for a reason and that person’s time in my life had expired. I was happy at how I responded even though it would have felt good (REALLY GOOD) to argue back or even find a way to retaliate. I chose not to do so and now the anger that welled in my heart is subsiding.

End of a chapter

Okay so it is now December. My how the time flies by! I have been through some extreme highs and extreme lows. I have been hurt emotionally and romantically. I have learned some things about myself regarding my faults and weaknesses as well as my strengths. I have embraced who I am instead of turning a blind eye like I used to. I have also come to face some demons within my personality that I did not realize were lurking in the recesses of my spirit. Thankfully I choose to lean on God and not my own understanding.

One thing I have discovered along the way is that God is REALLY listening to me and is always providing for me whether I know I need it or not. My problem is sitting still long enough to wait for him to deliver on what I am inquiring about. You know when you realize you did something stupid after the fact and you slap your forehead and yell “duh!”? Well I’ve had QUITE a few of those moments this year. And I can guarantee you I will have some next year too, and the year after that, and so on and so forth. However, I have also had some phenomenal ideas where I sit back and say to myself “wow! Look at that. I did that?! That looks GRRRREAT!” The question is which do I dwell on or emphasize? The answer is both and neither. I say both because I learned from my “duh” moments on what not to do again or how to do it differently and as for my phenomenal moments I can look back and give God praise for blessing me with creativity and a problem-solving mind. But I also said neither because if you focus solely on your shortcomings or your genius moves then you will become stuck either in pitying yourself for what you did wrong or become narcissistic praising yourself for all that you did right forgetting that it was He that created you to have the capabilities to make those mastermind moves.

I make it my aim to tell myself daily that all I do, I do to bring glory and honor to God. Sometimes I forget and my actions do not always bring honor and glory to God but I am always thankful for His mercy and grace. Because with these I am able to stand up again after my falls and failures and try, try again. I love the song by Donnie McClurkin “We Fall Down”. The chorus line I love the most is “a saint is just a sinner who fell down, and got up”. We are all human and fall from grace daily but God knows our pitfalls but uses us anyway to carry out His grand purpose.

So reflect back on this year. Make note of your mess-ups and your beautiful mind at its best cranking out wonders for the betterment of all.  Learn from your mistakes and be thankful for that wonderful creativity that God blessed you with. Look forward to next year with goals in mind. And do not beat yourself up if you were not able to check EVERYTHING off of your list. Be glad that you were able to tackle SOMETHING!! Remember, Be blessed, Be YOU, and Shine your LIGHT on the world.

Guilt feelings and Perserverance written 2/22/10

I should be sleeping by now as it is almost 12:30 in the morning but I could not close my eyes without first writing about the message God sent to me today. I am in awe as to how that played out but I know God works in ways unknown to us but always on time.

The first message I received today was about guilt feelings. There are several kinds. The first is the guilty feeling from your conscience when you have done something against God’s word or law (which we should have). The second is guilty feelings we have when we haven’t done anything wrong but we feel guilty about the action (these we shouldn’t have). Ironically, today I found out that Cevi fractured his arm yesterday when he fell off the bike at Grandma’s. I immediately started regretting allowing him to play outside with his cousin and then feeling guilty about going over Grandma’s in the first place when all Cevi wanted to do was stay home and watch the movie Starstruck. He even offered to cook if we didn’t leave. Then I switched to beating myself up for not taking him to the doctor yesterday when he first hurt himself. While I was showering and contemplating about the day, the words coming from the speaker on the radio program I was listening to this afternoon popped in my head. At that instant, I had an A-ha moment. God led my spirit to turn to the AM stations and flip through them causing me to land on the spot where the speaker was talking about these guilt feelings and how people try to use those to manipulate others or their situations. I am so thankful that my reception of listening to God’s Holy Spirit is getting clearer. I probably would have been worried to death all night if it had not been for the lessons and messages I have received today.

The other message was about perseverance. I have been diligently reading and learning God’s word and allowing it to penetrate my heart and become in tune with every fiber of my being. At first when I tried to read this passage at the urgent care center, I could not take it in. The boys were making so much noise and being so rambunctious that I could not concentrate on the words. So when I got home and read the passage again, it all made much more sense. It was talking about waiting on God. I have learned so many lessons this past year about patience and it being a virtue. It was definitely something I was lacking in quite a few areas of my life but every day I draw closer to being more patient and understanding. I am happier with my kids. They don’t stress me as often as they used to. We are having a better communicative relationship although they still test the waters. God has truly been working on us as a family unit. I am so thankful for that. Be still and know that I am God! Whew. Still in awe!